False accusations from a child – a legitimate worry?

I think it is a legitimate worry. My friends father was a middle school principal, and 2 girls got in trouble, so then they said he molested them as retaliation. After a few weeks they recanted and said it never happened, but this guys repuatation has been ruined for the rest of his life.

My own SS has tried to say things about me. I have never laid a hand on him, but one time he was out of control, throwing a tantrum. I sent him to his room, and he called his Mom (who is a cop) and said I hit him. I ended up having a very serious talk with her and my husband and basically told them that I wouldn’t be staying alone with their son again unless they nipped that in the butt, because it isn’t something you joke about.

1 week into first grade, my husband and I received a phone call from the school principal of my eldest daughters school. She said that my daughter had told the school nurse that every morning her mommy and daddy leave for work very early and she (my then 6 yr old) has to get herself up, get her baby sister up (who was 2), get them dressed, feed them breakfast, then she puts Tom & Jerry for her baby sister and then walks to the bus stop for by herself.

While there were many loop holes in story, the principal had to follow-up with us, the parents. It did not take us long to convince the principal that this was not what was happening in our home. HOwever, I was absolutely mortified. Lucky for us, the principal understood this as a girl with a very vivid imagination. However, we may not have been so lucky. We spent a great deal of time (and still do) talking about the importance of speaking truth in our home, and how lies are not only “wrong”, but can cause some very life changing consequences.

I wrote about this experience in my blog about last August, and it still brings tears to my eyes when I think about that time. I think I cried for 3 days straight after that. Being looked at in an accusatory manner (albeit brief) was the worse thing I’ve ever experienced in parenting.
.-= Leanne´s last blog ..Mmmmmm . . . butter =-.

Yes, yes, yes.

I used to work in a daycare, and while, when I was young, it was OK for teachers to hug kids or tickle them or whatever, I didn’t even dare because of that paranoia.

It’s the same reason why (and this is less what a kid might say and more about what a vindictive adult could convince a kid had happened) I will not let my fiance’s daughter (who’s 6) get in bed with us. If her mother caught wind of that, she could very easily convince my F-SD that something wrong had happened when it hadn’t. (She’s done things like that before.) This is a vindictive, vindictive woman who is still mad that her ex-husband is going to remarry before she does.
.-= Sarah´s last blog ..The One Where the Class of 2010 Gets Really, Really Depressed =-.

Oh stories like this really get me. I don’t understand how people lie about things like being violated, molested, or raped when it is such a serious issue. It completely devalues the seriousness and the trauma of the act when there are people that have actually experienced the real thing first hand. Teenagers brains are unfortunately not fully developed. They act and think impulsively and sometimes do or say the wrong things to get attention. Even if it means negative attention.
Anyways I just wanted to say hi I’m your new follower and I just wanted to meet the women behind the Lady bloggers society because it’s been my most recent addiction.
.-= JoJo´s last blog ..I Can’t Get No Satisfaction =-.

I have read “A Map of the World,” and thought it was a good book. Interesting, heart-wrenching.

Anyway – to the topic. When we have babysitters, I drive them home. I think it depends strongly on the child whether or not being wrongly accused of something will ever be an issue.

Some kids are prone to outright lies, things that are damaging to other children and other adults – but I think those students are few and far between. I’ve met one who I believe has posed a danger to fellow students, as far as the lies – and this is a person who has definite issues about truth-telling, among other things.

In an education setting, you document, document, document, and document some more – and make sure that copies are given to appropriate personnel (counselor, principal, teacher, etc.) if there is ever any question of anything untoward. If a student came to me and said, “I heard that so-and-so said/did (whatever) to so-and-so,” you can’t ignore it. If it turns out to be untrue, so be it – but you have to document & report, whether it’s an accusation involving student/student, adult/student, student/adult.

Those who work in education, in my homestate, are required to have fingerprints on file and a background check in order to weed out the offenders – and this isn’t always fool proof. Even so, we were always told in college (I graduated in 1991) to keep the classroom door open. Keep your desk in view of that door. Speak to the student in the hallway. Have a witness in the room (preferably another adult) or speak quietly to the student in the classroom full of students rather than speaking privately. Never, under any circumstances, drive a student anywhere (home, etc.). This went for working with students of all ages.

I work as a classroom aide with elementary-aged kids, primarily grades 4 and 5, and just this year felt comfortable enough to touch a student on the shoulder for a “good job” pat. Even so, I am very very careful. If a student says, “don’t touch me,” or appears to be uncomfortable because I have touched his/her shoulder, I won’t do it again. Every year, there is always a student who wants to hug. They are boys, they are girls – they hug spontaneously and without warning. It’s typically a harmless thing – you hug back very gently, around the shoulder – I usually turn slightly so it’s a “side” hug, and so far this has always occurred in front of other people so there hasn’t been any reason to suspect anything untoward from hugger or huggee. Sometimes, students need the “personal space” talk, and they’re receptive and understand the concept.

To be on the “safe side,” I would recommend that moms take the sitter home (unless she drives herself or a parent picks her up).

What happens when it isn’t the adult who is the guilty party? What if you have a young person who is hitting on the adult? Like, a teenager? Or a child who says or does something that is inappropriate to an adult or another child?
.-= Kathy´s last blog ..Bathing Suit Torture for the Not Yet Teen Set =-.

yes, absolutely. That’s why I pick up the babysitter, pay her the money, and drive her home. Also, my husband is never home alone when she comes over.

Safer that way.

I have thought about this! When I volunteered in childrens’ minsitry one of the things we needed to learn for training was to be aware not to be in a room with a child alone. 1. for the saftey of the child, and 2. for your protection as well. I think sometimes abused children can get confused and accuse someone in thier lives, but not necessarily the predator. Perhaps they fear the predator, but fear telling the truth about him/her, but still have a need to tell someone what’s happening to them. The predators are telling them not to say anything, so perhaps saying it’s someone else is a method of coping. I’m no pro!! So, I could be WAY off here. I’m just answering your question. YES, I’ve thought about it.
.-= Adrienne @ SFTS´s last blog ..Mommy Confessions Monday! =-.

That’s terrible. You wish the kids would know better–it makes it so hard for both adults and children who actually have had bad things happen to them.