There has been a lot of discussion lately about the recent study finding kids raised by lesbian parents grow into teens with fewer behavioral problems than kids with parents of the same sex. You can read more about this article here on Web MD.
This got me thinking. The world is changing, and this is one aspect that we will have to face as parents, in raising our kids. I don’t remember growing up with friends who had two moms or two dads (at least not that I knew of). I don’t want to get into the issue of whether or not this is right or wrong but what I want to discuss is, how will you go about this as a parent when talking to your kids? With same-sex marriage becoming more accepted, more than likely our kids will have friends with two parents of the same sex. How will you explain this to your kids when they start to ask the questions?
Until now I know people who have chose to avoid these questions and sort of brush them off. This will get tougher for parents to do as it becomes a more accepted way of living. I do think it will depend on the age of the child, but I think different ages will bring different questions.
How will you answer these questions when your child asks?
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Arrgghh! For some reason my blogroll is not picking up your new posts/feed !!
Anyhoo, I thought I’d come see why it wasn’t working and here you are, posting away; I have the right blog address it’s just not updating in my feeder
As for the big question…
Hmmm, I haven’t really thought in too much detail about how I’ll answer those questions. Up to now it’s been easy to avoid because it hasn’t come up. Only recently my husband has realised that with all the kids whose parents we know are divorced, it’s no longer possible to pretend that all parents stay together for ever and ever; divorce happens. And it happens to their friends. His parents were divorced, so i guess he ws trying to shield our kids from what he thought might make them scared???
translate that across, to the same-sex parents thing – we won’t be able to avoid/deny forever.
Life is so messy.
I guess we just have to teach respect for others, while at the same time being clear on what WE value and believe. That’s as good as I can figure.
x
.-= Simone´s last blog ..Wake Up Call =-.
As one of the moms in a 2 mom household, I can tell you it’s messy, just as Simone wrote. (Messy in the same way all households with kids is, though…lots of spit up and poop! Our son is 11 weeks old.)
I’m glad families like Simone’s will be teaching respect for others, though, I fear having a WE attitude that doesn’t include others…that’s not real respect, that’s tolerance. not the same thing.
I know our son will have to deal with being different with respect to how many moms he has. I hope he can focus on the fact that he’s loved by those who are raising him. He’s no worse, nor better for having two moms than someone raised by one mom, two dads, one dad, a grandparent, in foster care….so….I hope we can all learn to be good role models for our children, embracing our differences because those differences are what makes us a stronger community.
So far, the issue hasn’t come up – same-sex parents among classmates’ parents. One of my kids did ask why a friend of ours didn’t have a girlfriend or wife. I had to think for a moment (how much information is too much information and what are they ready to know?) and said that he likes guys, and the guy he is best friends with is the person he loves. That seemed to be ok for the moment and it hasn’t come up again. There are no children in the friend’s household, but as my kids get older there will likely be more questions that come up. My youngest thinks of this couple as “roommates.”
Re: divorce – neither of my kids has ever come out and asked if we’re getting divorced. But my youngest, one day, made the off-hand comment that if “you and dad ever get divorced, I’m living with dad” – so he can continue playing his video games. I think kids figure out early on that their classmates don’t always have two parents in the household – they’re accustomed to hearing each other talk about spending the weekend/summer with dad, and having two households, etc.
.-= Kathy´s last blog ..Help! My Daughter wants to be on Facebook! =-.
Hubby and I were just talking about this. It does not bother us in the least. I work in a very open and liberal environment and have many friends/family members who are gay or lesbian. SOme are parents some not. My kids come with me to work and have been exposed to much diversity very early on. So they will grow up understanding diversity and respecting it. I think it is much harder to try to explain divorce to a child. A few of my friends are getting a divorce and that has been really difficult for my girls to wrap their brain around. Especially since the father in this instance was very abusive.
Parents can be good or bad no matter whether what kind of family structure they have. It also depends on the people.
As of yet, I don’t know any kids that are coming from same sex homes. But, when that day comes, we’ll just say he’s got two moms or she’s got two dads.
Families come in lots of different packages.
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In our old neighborhood we had two sets of lesbians raising children. Julia never questioned it because she was four when we moved away from there. At age 5, to be sure she’d want to know.
It’s tough because I tell her that a boy and a girl love each other and get married and have babies. I’m pretty sure any discussion would have me saying that is okay for those people over there, but this is what your dad and I believe.
To be sure we’re not as open minded as a lot of people are. We’re probably raising her with our own prejudices built in. I have a feeling though that there’s going to be so much of that alternative stuff going on that we’re not really going to have to explain it. It just will be what it is.
.-= Joey @ Big Teeth & Clouds´s last blog ..Birds birds everywhere =-.
actually, i’m not concerned about telling kate that sometimes there are just 2 mommies or 2 daddies. what i’m not sure how to handle is her asking deeper questions about how 2 of 1 made a baby. Hmmm…
I will treat it as I will treat the questions that will inevitably come up when people will ask Miles (our son) why he is black and his parents are white: all families look different, all are special, and it’s ALL good.
.-= Anne´s last blog ..The Proposal (Part 1) =-.
Lots of great advice here! I guess it is just a fact of life that our kids will grow up with some different things than what we did. I think things like this will become the norm for them in time and eventually not a question at all. I think it is just the mesh of the generations coming together that take time to completely ‘mesh’. If that makes sense?!
I really haven’t thought about this issue. My sons knows about gay people; they just don’t know any classmates that have gay parents. I don’t think it’ll be too difficult though.
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Dalia, another “things that make you go hmmmmmmmm” post.
I have yet to come across this, and seeing the makeup of the two first grade classes at my twins school, it is not an issue. My teenager never came across it, either.
My cousin is gay, but she lives in Texas and we never see her, so it never came up in conversation.
I would answer simply and age appropriatly, see if there are any more questions, then move on. It may take a whilde for them to digest it and ask again. They won’t ask, however, if you show any discomfort.
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Tell your child that families come in all shapes and sizes. You don’t have to go into detail about the sexual relationship of the Moms.
I agree with CherylT…all families come in different shapes and sizes. By emphasizing that point I would hope my child would understand and hopefully not be phased too much by it.
.-= Melissa (Dr. Mom)´s last blog ..Growing Pains =-.
It is so refreshing to see such positive attitudes in your followers. It’s time for America to support gay people as equals deserving the same rights as everyone else. Children will not have a problem with it, if their parents don’t.
.-= Janie B.´s last blog ..Bring in the New! I’m Open for Change! =-.
We are very good friends with a family whose child, a girl, has two dads. They’ve been together for 25 years and are such great people. The girl is friends with my son. After several months of playing together, my son asked, “why does she have two daddies?” My son was 6 at the time.
We simply explained that while most of the time, boys marry girls and girls marry boys, sometimes boys love boys and they get married, and sometimes girls love girls and they get married, and that this little girl was very lucky to have two daddies who love her very much. My son was perfectly satisfied with the explanation, but did say that he felt sad that his friend didn’t have a mom in addition to two dads.
I am really glad that my kids have some opportunity to see diversity in their environment. I truly believe that being exposed to diversity and not living in a bubble is what helps teach tolerance and respect. It is a fear of the unknown that festers into hatred.
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Well, I guess I’ll be the first…I agree it’s important to teach children respect and tolerance but being a Christian family, my children will also be brought up with traditional values and morals. If you’re living by the Bible, you can’t pick and choose the things you want to follow.
When I was in Jr High – MANY years ago, I spent the night at a friends house for a basketball team night. I didn’t know it until then, but her mom was a lesbian and they all lived with her girlfriend. Not really a two moms situation, the dad was still in the picture, maybe mom and step-mom though. I didn’t bother me and when I told my mom the next day her response was ‘huh…all right’ She did ask if it bothered me, I said no, she said good. and that was the end of that conversation. I hung out with her just a few times after that, but it didn’t have anything to do with her moms.
Sorry I forget to answer the question! I think I’ll just say that sometimes boys like boys and girls like girls. And that it takes all kinds of people to make families.
My oldest daughter has two different friends that are children of lesbian couples. I have friends that are gay/lesbian and have had all her life. For my kids there really hasn’t been much talking. We have tried to impress upon them that “You love who you love” and that’s ok. Neither of them have ever questioned or asked.
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