I read an interesting article this morning. It is all about spoiled children. And I am not talking just the issue of your spoiled 2 year old who throws a tantrum on the floor. This is bigger. This is about the kids of today…the kids who will be growing up as our world’s next ‘group out there’.
This has been a trend it seems for a while now. I see it in some of the teens and early 20′ers of today. The feeling that the world revolves around them. What caused this? This article suggests the parents are too coddling and I can’t help but agree. I have written about this before. This is one of my biggest pet peeves out there. We need to teach our children ‘the real world’. Life in the real world is not all ice cream and cupcakes.
It used to be rare. You know, remember Veruca Salt in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory? As kids we would look at her as that spoiled little brat. Well, the Veruca’s have multiplied and the results are beginning to show in our society as the Veruca’s are growing up.
When most people hear ‘spoiled’ they think…the child who gets everything. It is not just about material things. It is the child whose parents ‘baby’ them, coddle them, get them out of every tough situation, and make life easier for them. Of course we all want our kids to be happy and comfortable. What parents wouldn’t, right? But we must think about the future. Think about our kids growing up and how this type of behavior will affect them in the long run. We want them to be able to handle whatever life throws at them. Unfortunately we won’t always be there.
Have you ever noticed the teens of today go from job to job just because it is not perfect? They are looking for ‘perfect’ because Mom and Dad always gave them ‘perfect’. Perfection is rare. We must teach them that life is not perfect and has its ups and downs. We must teach them how to handle these things instead of taking them out of these situations.
How do you handle kids like this? What do you do to make sure your kids don’t turn into Veruca Salts?
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Hey Dalia… oh this is so on topic right now!!
I have been personally having to battle a little Veruca-isms as it has been a birthday week lately, and it turned up some rather shocking attitudes.
Here is my response:
http://greatfun4kids.blogspot.com/2010/08/appreciation-training.html
Oh Yes, I will not stand for raising spoilt brats. Veruca has no place in my family. I vow to stamp it out the second I see it raise it’s ugly head!! I WILL have kids who are thankful and appreciative, dammit!! I WILL raise children who have manners and realise that things don’t always go their way (and they can’t always get what they want!)
Sore losers make from lousy friends. We are working on it. Could take a few years. But I am determined!!
.-= Simone´s last blog ..Loving- NOT Loving Lately =-.
First of all, I want to say thank you, Dalia, for the honor of today’s post at LBS. I am beyond smiling here. Thank you.
I always stop at Gen X Mom, b/c this is where the “meat” is in my blog posts. I love cute, funny, like everyone: but I also like talking about important parenting issues.
Where we live, an affluent community, I see so much of this. There is another family we know here, and they could give their kids everything, but they don’t. As a result,they have the most charming, likeable, children we’ve met.
The rest, well, I’ve had to keep my children away….I feel so sorry for the future mates of these children,b/c these kids know nothing of compromise, and giving even if it doesn’t feel “fair.”
I see lots and lots of marital unhappiness for the veruca salts and augustus gloops out there.
WONDERFUL POST!
And, thank you, again, so very much.
There’s so much emphasis on kids’ self-esteem these days. Now, I’m not saying that it’s important, but it’s gotten crazy. Before, kids had to earn things- like a spot on the team or an award- and now everyone gets one b/c we don’t want to leave someone out. No writing in red ink on a child’s paper at school, because it will make them feel bad to see all those marks if they didn’t do well.
It all leads to kids who grow up to think that they will be handed everything without really having to work for it.
I think it’s hard not to fall into the trap of creating Verucas. We try really hard. I try to let our kids experience failure and disappointment. It’s difficult to hold off on protecting them, you know? but it is something we all have to do or there is another generation of helpless people coming right up to run our country, right?
.-= gigi´s last blog ..Friday Flip-Offs- 8-6 Edition =-.
I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again… we learn more by falling down and getting back up than we ever do from succeeding. These types of parents are setting their kids up for a really hard life.
.-= Jennifer´s last blog ..Fit B4 40 – Making it work =-.
Really fantastic post today, Dalia. My kids are 7 and 3 1/2, so we are trying to start NOW with teaching them the importance of decisions they make and the consequences that follow. (If you make a decision to join something, it is your responsibility to stay with it until the end. If you didn’t enjoy the experience, don’t do it again. But quitting isn’t something I’ll allow.) Every decision you make (be it in taking a job, in playing with a friend, in choosing a snack) is what it is – and there are no take-backs. I also have been spending alot of time saying, “If you can’t say something nice, don’t say it.” Or “If you don’t like what is taking place, come up with a POSITIVE SOLUTION to make it better. Don’t just complain about it. Let’s work together to make it better for everyone.” We’ve also been spending alot of time lately trying to teach my kids the importance of ‘working hard and being rewarded in return.’ We’ve started a whole ticket program at home, where they earn tickets in exchange for completing chores around the house. In return, they can trade in tickets for things they want (those darn packs of rubberbands are the highlights right now.) But, they have to EARN them. All little things that I am trying to do to keep the Veruca’s far far away. I’m keeping my fingers crossed that these things will help. But only time will tell.
.-= Leanne (From Chaos Comes Happiness!)´s last blog ..Every once in a while we really should listen to our kids =-.
I’ve seen the same thing, I was watching a TV show we have in England called Young, Dumb and Living off Mum. This post encases exactly what that show is about. The kids are terribly lazy, they can’t hold down a job, and one of them still has tantrums in supermarkets (He’s 23, I kid you not.)
Then again we need to remember that everyone has a different upbringing, some kids will be taught the values of life, others won’t. Not all young adults are selfish and spoiled
.-= Gemma´s last blog ..Day 13- Take a Trip to the Mall =-.
Oh, great topic. I struggle with it – my parents were very hard on me, and I veer the other way with my kids, but I certainly want them to be humble and grateful… there is a balance in there, and I am looking for it!
.-= parentingadabsurdum´s last blog ..More life with boys =-.
My husband and I work with young people, mostly aged 18-22, and we’re constantly amazed by this. They DO jump from job to job, church to church, university to university (or major), relationship to relationship, etc etc. I’m all for them having lots of opportunity to experience different things and “discover” themselves, but not when it’s just the perpetual search for the perfect ____fillintheblank__. It really is a whole generation that’s used to things being spelled out and handed to them. (Which I find so strange as an Xer who spent those years questioning everything and digging to find more in life, definitely NOT wanting it all to be figured out for me.) At the moment we just have a little bub (six months old) but this is already something I think about: how to raise a well-loved, healthy kiddo who is not spoiled. Surely you can’t start too young in trying to instill some of these principles… while of course being age-appropriate. The world has plenty Verucas, thankyouverymuch!
Yes we have this too…
One time my husband had interviewed a 20-something for a job. When my husband didn’t give him the job, the kid’s DAD called and asked why he didn’t get it!!
For our part we try to hold our kids accountable. That life is about choices and your quality of life depends on the choices you make. There aren’t a lot of “do overs” in life.
Yes my kids are young (4 & 2) but even now if we give them the choice of what movie to watch, or what to eat, they choice they make it was they get. If they decide they don’t like what they picked too bad yer stuck with kid. Maybe it won’t make any difference in the long run, but I hope it will. Maybe that we’re willing to talk to our kids about these things will make a difference.
My husband’s definition of parental responsibility is “teaching children to deal with disappointment.”
Great post and a topic that has to be re-visited as our kids grow older.
.-= J Is a Bird´s last blog ..Tip of the Day- Superglue is non-toxic =-.
THANK YOU! I’m still young so I sometimes see this in people my own age, people who aren’t little kids. I don’t understand how they can be that age and still act that way.
For every 1 ‘non-spoiled’ child I see, I see 5 ‘spoiled’ ones. I think it’s best to teach these kids that not everything will be handed to them and that life can be tough sometimes. There are too many children that won’t be able to survive in the real world.
.-= Sara @ Tedious Life´s last blog ..Friday Flip-Offs 8-6- Walking into the men’s room =-.
I worry about this too a because I see many teens today who feel entitled and expect things to come easy. I worry that I may fall on the coddling end of the spectrum but then again, my kids are 2.5 and 5. So, I’m wondering how to find that balance, to provide them with security and protection but not “spoiling” them or making sure they never face disappointment. It’s scary b/c I’ve seen very well-meaning and loving parents end up with very “spoiled” teens and they don’t know what to do.
This is a very important topic and one I think we all need to pay close attention to. Thank you for bringing this up…I sure hope to find the right balance.
.-= Melissa (Confessions of a Dr.Mom)´s last blog ..Breastfeeding Broke My Heart =-.
My 3 kids are nearly grown, and I have to say one acts like Veruca Salt and the other two are completely the opposite. The strange thing is that I was harder on Veruca than on the other two. What I’m trying to say is that I’m quite sure how to prevent it. And I’m not interested in having another shot at it either!
.-= Grace´s last blog ..A Whole Other Can of Sperms =-.
I am stopping via the tea party over at Lacy Bloggers Society. I have 9 and 10 year old boys. I have called each of them Veruca Salt on many occasions. That’s when they know I mean business and they need to change their attitude!
Oooh, yes! It SO goes beyond anything having to do with material possessions. All these parents who think their kid is the best, can do no wrong and don’t make their kid take responsibility for his/her own actions have created MONSTERS!!
So I am first off laughing because I often refer to my 4 yr old daughter’s as ‘Veruca’ during her rants…but in all seriousness this is one of my greatest fears and I am trying my darndest to raise my children to be independent and problem solving (it does help that they both have personalities like that naturally). I have two younger sisters who would be considered these ‘spoiled’ children…one is 24 and and lives at home and is still in school because she just couldn’t decide what she wanted to do with her life and the other one lives off of daddy’s credit cards so she doesn’t have to work while she’s in school! It drives me insane (somewhat because my parents didn’t raise me like that…I was pushed right out of the nest) because they could achieve so much more.
.-= Tutus and Tantrumns´s last blog ..28 weeks and P3 is looking great! =-.
You are so right. I was speaking to my neice the other week (bought up in a very different manner to my own kids) and she was whinging that her Mum had said she could not see her boyfriend as she had spent £90 on her phone for that month. I asked if it was pay as you go or on a contract and she looked blank and said ‘no idea, Mum pays it’. Well stupid Mum then!!! Spolit in the extreme but not particularly loved or cherised. Much of society is just sad now.
There is always a good dose of reality in our house. My kids know we can not afford everything and they know there is plenty we can do without loads of money. They also know not all life is fun, there are chores to do and sometimes Mum/ Dad is not available – all important life lessons.
Mich x
.-= michelle twin mum´s last blog ..The Gallery- Playtime with the Grandparents! =-.
I think this will be a tough issue for us when my daughter is older. I know personally that I never took a job seriously until I moved out on my own and pretty much had to make it work. These “adults” that live at home into their mid-twenties have no incentive to stay when they are just living at their parent’s house anyway.
It will be tough, but at some point she’ll have to lose, fail and otherwise be miserable. This coddling and over indulging is a flaw that’s easier to spot in other people’s parenting.
.-= Joey @ Big Teeth & Clouds´s last blog ..Difficult decisions =-.
Did you know that some larger places of employment give brochures to PARENTS so they know that their sweetie-baby-boo-boo is going to like it there if s/he is hired?
UGH!
I make my 15 y/o daughter pay for most things and told her she has to tough it out at her job this summer, even though she is not liking it. It is a great real world leson!
kids these days….
Surprise – Teenagers act spoiled! They want everything! They want to be all grown up and have mom pay for it!
Surprise- 20-somethings jump from job to job! They move home after college! They take time to settle down, and don’t want to just settle!
I seem to remember “our generation” being labeled as slackers. Were you? I acted… well, just like my 20-something stepkids, actually. I worked hard, and expected recognition and recompense for my work. I’m not sure teaching our kids to put up and shut up is a great way to go. Better to teach them to reach.
It is depressing when someone younger than me starts whining about “this younger generation…”
And, by the way, my daughter, who in her teenage years actually whined “I want X and I want it now” is the most amazing person I could know. She is working full time at a challenging job, supporting herself in NYC, and finishing her college degree with steller marks. We sometimes laugh about her dinner time “I want….” refrain.