There is a lot of buzz lately in the parent/tween/social world and about whether or not it is acceptable to friend your kids on Facebook. Seriously? Whether this is acceptable? You are a parent. These are your kids. Of course it is acceptable.
It goes without question that most teens will claim invasion of privacy and of course we as parents want to respect their privacy, but hold on here…think about it. This is not a diary. Facebook is out there. Out there for basically the world to see. Once you put yourself out there, you must accept the consequences that you are no longer private, teens included. Anyone using social networking has waived their right for privacy in my book. Parents must think differently. You are not invading their privacy. It IS acceptable to check in on them and make sure things are okay. It is called parenting. You SHOULD monitor their digital worlds just as you monitor their real life worlds.
Social networking is not as simple and innocent as kids or even some parents may think. It is opening them up to the world. Kids and even teens even though they think they may know it all, do not. They are still learning. They need guidance. We guide them as best we can through real life, why not digital life?
We teach them how to ride a bike when they are small. We run right beside them in case they fall. We teach them how to drive as they grow. We sit right beside them in the car for guidance. Today we can add social networking to the list of things we teach our kids. We don’t just throw them out there to learn all the other things in life. Social networking is the same. We should not just throw them out there. We should sit beside them in the digital world to guide them through and make sure they are learning the right way just the same.
Do you consider friending your kids on Facebook an invasion of privacy?
{ 19 comments }
Well said! I am a mother to my three children and often I do things that they “think” are unacceptable but I know that one day they will appreciate the guidance and support… when they are old (like me).
Just visiting from SITS, make it a great day!
.-= Marjorie´s last blog ..T-2 weeks until moving date =-.
My son friended me on Facebook. I was not extended the same invitation from my daughter. Her father was her friend and discovered that her language was completely inappropriate. He called me and her account was immediately deleted. Of course, we know that doesn’t stop all her on-line communication and that wasn’t really the goal. We’re trying to teach her what is appropriate and what will not be tolerated.
.-= chele´s last blog ..Hey- Over Here! =-.
I agree with you completely. I have always been friends with my teen stepdaughter on the social media sites (the ones that I know of at least!) and it’s been a good way to keep my husband up on what’s going on with his daughter.
Anything that they put up online is for everyone to see so it’s not an invasion of privacy in any way.
You can bet that when my children get old enough for FB or myspace accounts (or whatever is popular when they reach that age) that I will be on their friends list if they want to have accounts. We know a lot of parents who have that rule and it’s working well for them, it helps them guide their kids on the safety of the internet.
.-= Stacy´s last blog ..Are Blog Niches a Thing of the Past =-.
Our kids (teens) need to know that what we, as parents see, is what EVERYONE else sees!
My oldest in a tween, so she is not allowed on Facebook, but when and if she does get on there, we will be sure to let her know that nothing is a secret when you put it on the internet!
My boys 13 and 15 are not allowed to have Facebook accounts unless I am their friend. Period. That has always been the rule. I have lurked on those accounts because while I trust them, they aren’t smart enough to not make small mistakes that lead to BIG consequences.
For example. I talk to them all the time about what to is acceptable and not acceptable to write on their wall. Still? Two weeks before school let out in June, my oldest, pissed because he felt his grade should have been higher, posted a derogatory comment on his wall about his teacher. I found it, he took it down, we discussed cyber bullying and that it includes teachers. Lesson learned.
I like that allowing them to use technology while they are still in my home allows me to teach them the boundaries.
Excellent post!
Nice post. My husband and I are both friends with both of our daughters on Facebook and we all love it. It’s a great way for everyone to know what is going on in each others busy lives – especially now that one is off at college. In fact, many of our kids friends are also our friends. My girls even joke if a friend of theirs won’t friend us, maybe they shouldn’t be hanging out with them.
Seriously? An invasion of privacy? ha ha
We told our kids that friending us was a requirement of joining Facebook. My very innocent 16-year old said, “Really? They require that?” I said, “No, it’s OUR requirement!” Neither of them really minded or objected. I am careful not to intrude – I don’t post embarrassing messages on their walls or goofy comments on their posts. I even ask them if it’s OK before I tag them in photos I post, knowing if they’re tagged, it will show up on their walls. But I think I need to be able to see what they’re posting and who their online friends are, too.
We’ve also talked to both of them about never friending someone they don’t know in person and other safety issues.
Its just not a big deal in our house. Interestingly, some of THEIR friends have friended me. One close family friend who’s a college sophomore now friended me but not her own parents!
Sue
(And can someone tell spell check that “friending” is a valid verb now??)
I don’t think that friending your kid on facebook is an invasion of their privacy – though it might be an invasion of *your* privacy! ha ha ha I did not friend my daughter simply because facebook is ‘adult time’ with other adults – and sometimes we say things that aren’t exactly appropriate for the kids to hear/read. However, I do invade my daughter’s privacy on facebook by insisting on periodic checks to see what sort of things are being posted. She knows this, and after she looked rather affronted over learning that I’d randomly checked her page, I reminded her that was part of the deal: She gets a page, mom/dad gets to check the page periodically. They get over it!
.-= Kathy´s last blog ..Can it be Saved =-.
Well, even though we’re not there yet I think you are absolutely right. It is NOT an invasion of privacy. It’s keeping an eye on your kids and making sure they are safe:)
.-= Melissa (Confessions of a Dr.Mom)´s last blog ..Spotlight on Dad =-.
It’s not an invasion of privacy, but it doesn’t make you your child’s FRIEND. I’ve never been more disgusted than when I read my old co-worker and her daughter’s facebook activity. “Jane and Jane Jr. like “See you later motherF*#$!s” (of course it was spelled out). I’d like a way to slap “jane” over the Internet. Obviously this is just the tip of the iceberg with them. Little Jane Jr. is 12.
.-= Joey @ Big Teeth & Clouds´s last blog ..Just getting started =-.
I don’t think it constitutes an invasion of privacy. Kids require guidance for these sorts of things. And it is a parents job to give it, whether the kids want it or not. Actually, I think they really do, even if they say the don’t.
Fortunately, I don’t have to worry about this yet. My daughter is only 9. She does have her won cell phone, though. But that’s a whole different story.
Not at all! If kids don’t want their parents there, it’s probably because they are talking about or carrying on in a way that’s not fully appropriate.
No, I don’t think it’s an invasion of privacy. I was the first one in our family to create a Facebook account. My son friended me and so did a bunch of his friends from Scouts. I am very careful to watch what I’m saying because I know that the kids will be watching, too.
I definitely don’t. Kids need to learn early not to post lots of private information online anywhere where anyone could access it. I just had this discussion with my 16 year old brother the other day when a not-so-great picture showed up tagged of him on there.
.-= Salt´s last blog ..Lions- and vultures- and bears Oh my =-.
Only one of my kids is on facebook and he’s never “friended” me and I’ve never pushed him. I trust that he’s a good kid but … I’m going to have to ponder this because I honestly don’t know if I think I should be monitoring his interaction on this site. Yes, it’s a public forum but I also respect that teenagers need some privacy. Would I have wanted my parents to know exactly what I was up to as a teen???? At some point, I think we have to trust that we instilled good values and they will make good choices. If not, they’ll learn from their mistakes.
I’m here from Blog Frog and I’m the parent of 2 teens as well!
No, friending is not an invasion of privacy. That’s like saying, “Meeting my child’s friends is an invasion of privacy, so I hide in the basement when they come over. That way I can’t see/hear what they are doing!”
.-= thepsychobabble´s last blog ..Six Years =-.
I think it’s a safety issue. Since it doesn’t seem like fb will disappear by the time that my boys are old enough to be on it, I will be friending them on there. I think that parents could let their kids know they aren’t going to write all over their walls or jump into conversations with their friends, but just simply to be aware of what is going on and to keep them safe.
Absolutely not an invasion of privacy. It is the right and only thing to do as a responsible parent. If I’m not his friend, then he can’t be on Facebook, period. I agree not to comment on his posts on Facebook but if I see him posting anything that I don’t think he should or I want to check out his friends, I do. The number of things that could go wrong in a social media environment is nearly endless and as a responsible parent I can’t see anything right with ignoring that big an aspect of a teenager’s life. Thanks for bringing up a great topic.
Wow, it makes me sick to think that some parents have been swayed by that kind of “reasoning”. Obviously kids need to be coached in this stuff. It’s called the *responsibility of parenting*. Hello?! And you’re right, it’s not a diary, it’s not “private”… it’s kids putting themselves “out there” for the world to see. I, for one, will be right “out there” with my kids when they are old enough. I’d much rather walk it through *with* them and help them learn, than try to pick up the pieces later. It’s a dangerous world when parents abdicate responsibility in the name of giving their kids “freedoms” of this sort…
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