I am a mom of three. A mom who has been through the newborn years, the toddler years, the preschool years, the elementary years, and now ‘eeek‘ the middle school years.
I have been through projectile vomit, allergies, asthma, potty training, boys, girls, shyness, boldness, first day of kindergarten, scary doctor appointments, field trips, play dates, gazillions of birthday parties, mean friends, learning to ride a bike, bad teachers, school bus nightmares, school shopping, soccer fields, lacrosse fields, dance recitals, t-ball games, snarly hair, glasses, first dates, Facebook, and cell phones to name only a few.
I have had many playgroup talks, soccer field discussions, and mom-to-mom talks.
But….still there are many, many things I have not experienced.
Have you ever talked to a mom who claims to ‘know it all’. A mom who has never really been in your shoes and claims to know all the answers and knows EXACTLY how she would deal with that situation when it happens. Some of these people are not even moms. But, they KNOW that when they will NEVER let their 13-year-old daughter have a cell phone or the mom of the newborn will absolutely NEVER let their son go past the age of 2 without being potty trained. How about that mom who looks at you in dismay when your child has left the house in play clothes without their hair just perfect because their ‘now 6 month old’ will NEVER do that. Or the ‘new bus stop moms’ (you know, the ones with a kindergartener only) glaring at your 5th grader who is not wearing the brand spanking new sneakers on the first day. Oh, and the neighbor who talks about your 12 year old walking home from the bus stop without a coat on in the winter.
There was a day when I used to let these people bug me. Now, I just say to them, “Never say never” with a smile.
Of course many of them still disagree and insist upon their feelings. I just have to laugh and think, you just wait.
Do you know people like this?
On a side note…A BIG thank you goes out to Melissa from Confessions of a Dr. Mom today for posting my story about kid’s birthday parties!
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Oh boy. Do I??? Yes yes yes. It can be frustrating. I have one lovely friend who is adament that she will never never let her children have sleepovers. Or walk home alone. Her eldest is 20 months. Bless her. I did say to her, you may feel differently when they are older… never say never… but she has her mind made up!! She is a lovely girl, but has very definite ideas. I remember hearing her talk about what she would or wouldn’t do when my eldest was a toddler and she was yet to have babies. NOW she looks back on her pronouncements and shudders. I just smile.
So when she makes statements about what she will and won’t let her babies do, I know that when she gets there things will have changed. Again.
In the meantime I just have to smile and nod and keep my hidden knowledge to myself : I never say never.
.-= Simone´s last blog ..Fancy Party How-Tos and GF Menu =-.
I avoid this with my anti-social tendencies. I just don’t talk to that many grown-ups.
The kids in this neighborhood already have cell phones at age 10. I know better than to say NEVER, but I hope we can stave it off longer than that.
.-= Joey @ Big Teeth & Clouds´s last blog ..Prepping for Halloween =-.
I ALWAYS secretly laugh an evil laugh and think, “you just wait.” I learned to never say never about two weeks after my daughter was born and would NOT sleep alone. I had never thought I would be a co-sleeper and ended up doing it for five years. You just never know. “Be flexible” is always the advice I give to new parents.
.-= Jennifer´s last blog ..Whats for dinner =-.
Oh, those moms drive me crazy! Why all the judgement? I have to laugh when it all comes around to bite them later!
oh, I had a friend like that. she wasn’t really a friend, more of the wife of the guy my husband worked with every day for many months, so we had to be friend-ly. she had many comments about the way we did things with my daughter – like what time she went to bed (it’s too early for a 9 year old… 8 pm).
needless to say – I no longer talk to her… she didn’t even have any dang kids! I think it drives everyone nuts when they have an opinion about something we do, especially when it relates to our parenting and children. I just let it go – it wasn’t worth making a big deal about.
.-= Momma Drama´s last blog ..When Did My Kids Grow Up =-.
Popped in from Ladybloggers! It’s so funny how we always think we know something before we experience it…
I do. and the 2 people in particular who are the biggest offenders are also the most insecure about themselves and their parenting. kinda goes hand in hand.
.-= liz´s last blog ..The State of Affairs of my Closet =-.
I remember talking to a woman once who insisted that she wouldn’t have to move her breakables to higher shelves because she was going to teach her children (when she had them) not to touch her things.
Yeah, good luck with that.
.-= chele´s last blog ..Subtle Changes =-.
Yes I do!!
In my short 16 months of being a mother I have learned that every mother has their own techniques that work for them and just might not work for someone else. So to tell someone they need to do something a certain way is just crap. I watch 2 other little ones both the same age as my son and they are all very different from each other, so to say something will work for all kids is just someone speaking out of ignorance. I am no expert by any means on parenting, but I know when to shut my mouth and let other mommies do the things they feel is best. Stopping by from the Dr. Mom blog.
.-= Heather´s last blog ..I won a blog award! =-.
Oh boy…yes I’ve come across those. It’s so much easier to watch from the sidelines and say “I’ll never do that”. My only hope is that those who do judge and say “never” will have their own eye opening experience and change their tune. It is all about karma, isn’t it?
Thanks so much for guest posting for me today!
.-= Melissa (Confessions of a Dr.Mom)´s last blog ..Guest PostGeneration X Mom is Talking Birthdays =-.
You have hit the nail on the head! My favourite quote is: Walk a mile in my shoes and then come talk to me. Some people are so preachy and inappropriate. The more you parent, the more you realize that there is no such thing as perfect parenting or the “correct” parenting style. I just wrote a blog on a similar theme:
http://karynclimans.com/2010/07/30/parenting-my-way/
Cheers and keep smiling,
Karyn
Oh if I had a dollar for every time I said “never” before I had kids!!! And even after my son was born and I thought I had it all figured out, till my daughter came along and proved me wrong;)
At least I’m too busy judging myself to let others bother me or me bother with them.
Cheers!
J.
.-= J. Is a Bird´s last blog ..The Barber Shop Club =-.
Time heals all judgmentalism
.-= gigi´s last blog ..Approaching the throne =-.
Oh, yeah. The world is full of competitive snarky moms. Pity. Such a waste of time and energy, in my opinion!
.-= saretta´s last blog ..Lunch at the Beach =-.
Stopping by from SITS! You’re so right…even parents with lots of experience under their belts will have new situations to deal with. Flexibility in my parenting “rules” makes life easier for everyone!
Of if only these people were few and far between. I have two little ones, 15 months and 2 3/4.
(You know what I mean about the 3/4.) Everything after 3 is still new territory and I look to moms like you to guide (and warn) me along the way. I’ve typically just been too busy or distracted to give most of these people the time of day, but I like your idea of “never say never.” I know there are slews more of these people in my future and I’ll be ready with that little nugget. Thanks!
.-= Heligirl´s last blog ..Life Changes in an Instant =-.
I know just what you mean! The worst ones of all are the people who aren’t yet parents themselves!! I love your response, “never say never” – it’s perfect.
Of course, there are plenty of things we do now that I never would have imagined allowing 12 years ago when they were toddlers! Perspectives change…
Sue
Loved this! I am a mother of a 20 year old son and a 17 year old daughter, and if there is one thing I know….it is to never say never! Raising children is not a scripted play, it’s a day by day call on the field! Great article!
.-= Kim´s last undefined ..If you register your site for free at =-.
Yep, I’ve met those people. They usually either don’t have children, have very young children, or are men. Case closed.
.-= Kelly´s last blog ..Bella in love Giveaway! =-.
Dropping by from SITS. Actually, I know three moms who probably are moms (two of them for sure) who seem to never approve of everything I do. The first one I met at Walmart one day, OMG! My kid is crying because, well, she’s in her stroller and she can’t walk yet but we have to get groceries. This mother just glares at us as she walks by saying ‘that child is certainly hungry.’ Like she knew the last time the little squealer ate?
The other two are moms, just of a different generation. My mother in law always has something negative to say to me about something. Usually my house, sometimes my parenting. Ugh. My mom is no better, always insisting I should be doing something else. Like when Abby turned 1 she said ‘straight to a toddler bed, no more crib.’ Uh, no mom. I don’t think so.
People drive me crazy, but I am just learning how to not look people in the eye who disagree with the way I raise my child.
.-= Melanie´s last blog ..Friday Goodie! =-.