Just when you think you have it all under control, the bad people of the world come up with one more. I am about ready to lock my kids up in my nice, safe, cozy, house and keep them safe from all the boogymen out there. But, wait! They are coming through our power lines…through wires…they are like rodents that squeeze their way through cracks in the walls. We can’t stop them.
Sextortion…really? Kids are being blackmailed…for real! When I was a kid I don’t think I even knew what the word blackmail really meant. I remember hearing it on TV shows now and then, but in real life, forget it. Well, in this ever-changing world that we now live in, kids have to worry about being blackmailed. Take a deep breath.
We already know to teach our kids the dangers of sexting, how it can come back to haunt you, how it is more serious than they think, how it will never go away, how it is a real criminal offense. Now, to go one step further. We need to teach them the blackmailing aspect of it all.
Predators, yes PREDATORS, are using these sexting images to blackmail kids. The thought of this sends chills down my spine. It makes me feel sick to my stomach. Real life predators are really making their way INTO our houses, INTO the lives of our kids!
Statistics say that most of the time these blackmailing schemes are coming from sexual predators, not just those mean friends (those too, but mostly predators). They are blackmailing kids with these pictures. Telling them they will show their parents or spread the picture further unless….
Unless they PERFORM SEXUAL ACTS or take more pictures of themselves for them! (Stomach acting up now)
These predators know how nieve kids are. Kids are afraid of getting in trouble. They made a mistake and now don’t know what to do. They are stuck, embarrassed, and afraid to tell someone.
So since this has been plaguing my mind since I first heard about it, I did a little research. What do we do?
- First and foremost we need to continue to teach our kids the consequences of sexting. We need to be downright brutally and graphically honest. No candy coating. We need to keep reminding them. Kids have the tendency to forget quickly. Remember playing Truth or Dare? Well, word is Truth or Dare is a little more daring these days. It involves the online community and sexting. Be aware. Know what is out there. Don’t be a nieve parent.
- Kids will be kids unfortunately. They might make a mistake. We want them to know that they can come to us and tell us if they did make mistake like this. Of course we don’t want to encourage them to make the mistake, but we do want to encourage them to tell us if they did. Experts say if they come to you and tell you about someone blackmailing them with something like this, first make sure they are safe. Suicide is huge these days with these exact types of issues. Then…call the police.
- We also want our kids to know that some secrets that are okay to tell. If a friend tells them something like this, it is okay to tell you. Many times kids are more comfortable going to their friends rather than their parents. Teach your kids that sure your friend may be mad for a little while, but they will be safe and that is what matters in the long run.
Ugh…so much to think about as our kids grow! I really didn’t imagine it to be this difficult or confusing. I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that we just can’t relate to the majority of the stuff that our kids are dealing with these days.
How about you? How do you relate to our new world that our kids are growing up in?
{ 18 comments }
Dear God! That is some scary stuff! I’m not a mom (yet) but it seems like parenting is getting harder and harder!
.-= Miel Abeille´s last blog ..Hello- Africa! =-.
Oh this is so sick and wrong.
Once it’s in cyberspace, it’s there for good. That’s a hard enough concept for an adult (me) to grasp – but for a child? Next to impossible. So when Janie snaps a pic of Susie in the locker room, using her cell phone, and shares it with her mean friends, poor Susie’s image will forever be floating in cyberspace for some other creep to yank up and blackmail her with.
I’m doing my best to keep lines of communication open with my kids. Sometimes it’s hard to keep a straight face with some of the questions, but I have to do it – otherwise, they’ll think I’m laughing at them and never tell me anything, again. Before my oldest got a Facebook page, husband and I drilled into the dangers of it at dinner, nightly, until the oldest with great exasperation said “OK, I GET IT!” and regurgitated back to us everything we’d been going over. I check the page, and so far – so good.
I’m a mean mom, and Facebook is the first foray for my child into the cyberworld.
We must be vigilant about the cyber trail our children create – and while I don’t think we need to make ourselves or our children paranoid, the kids definitely MUST be made aware of the so serious consequences of their actions, and the actions of others.
.-= Kathy´s last blog ..Everything Parents Guide to Dealing with Bullies-book review-commentary =-.
I had heard about an older boy who did that to a younger boy. He got him to take a naked picture of himself and send it to him, then blackmailed him to do sexual favors or he would send the naked picture to everyone at school to make his friends think he was gay. Horrible. He got caught though, and I believe he was 18, so he went to jail. The other kid will almost never recover I’m sure.
Great tips to help with our own kids!! Those are important reminders for us parents.
.-= Momma Drama´s last blog ..Preschool Smeeschool =-.
I read about that…such a shame. We just have to keep talking and talking and talking to our kids!
If I knew how many things I would be terrified of once I was a mom, I probably wouldn’t have ever had kids. From autism to sexual predators, I swear I don’t stop worrying for a second.
With phones and texting now I am very nervous for my 5-year-old to start school.
Thanks for the tips!!
Wow, thanks for this eye opener Dalia. It makes me sick to my stomach too. I sure hope a lot of parents with teens read this and do exactly what you suggest. I’m barely breaching the subject of stranger safety with my little ones…it seems these talks only escalate as kids get older…yuck…but our job. Thank you for the advice
.-= Melissa (Confessions of a Dr.Mom)´s last blog ..My Sleep Make Over =-.
It turns my stomach, too. That there are people out there that get off on this kind of stuff is awful! There’s a special place in hell for them; I’m sure of it.
.-= Natalie´s last blog ..Happy Birthday Ladies =-.
I agree, there is definitely a special place in Hell for the predators and creeps in the world.
I am absolutely terriffied of the world and my kids in it. I feel so bad that all of these things are out there that can hurt my babies. It’s such a shame that there are so many sick people in the world that parents spend most of thier time just worrying about thier kids. 50 years ago, Sexting, bullying, pregnancy pacts all this stuff wasn’t happening, maybe the bullying but nothing like it is now.
I hope that I can have an open relationship with my kids, I want them to understand right from wrong, and make good choices, but my biggest thing is I want an open relationship. If they make a mistake, or somehow find themselves in a situation they either feel is wrong, know is wrong or anything really I want them to come tell me and not be afraid. I may get upset but I will always love them, and I want them to feel okay coming to me.
.-= Mama Penguin´s last blog ..Potty Training Hell =-.
this all truly boggles the mind. and i can say that i won’t allow my kids to have their own cell phones until an appropriate age, and talk to them about this stuff, but it’s not like that keeps them safe if their peers have their own phones, etc.
.-= liz´s last blog ..Diva&8217s First Day =-.
Hi, Dalia –
I read an article about this in the paper on Sunday – I agree, very creepy!! I have two boys who seem to be less prone to this sexting fad, though once again, I am grateful that all this technology didn’t exist when I was young and stupid!!!
By the way, I’ve given you the Versatile Blogger Award because I really admire your blog and enjoy your thought-provoking posts. Go check it out:
http://greatbooksforkidsandteens.blogspot.com/2010/08/versatile-blogger-award.html
Sue
dalia: we had a police officer “sexpert” come to our high school to talk on this: his advice stays in my head:
“It’s not about teaching fear, it’s about teaching awareness.”
Teach them to be aware. So much better.
I talk to my kids this way now. They need to know.
Problem is, most kids don’t realize that they can potentially destroy a promising future by doing some of these things that we adults recognize as stupid, dangerous, and inappropriate. An “innocent” photo or a naive comment all of a sudden becomes graphic (or pornographic) when it’s in someone else’s hands. It would be interesting to know how many kids end up expelled for some of this stuff, or how many end up dead like Phoebe Prince (who apparently was, herself, a bully while living in Ireland), or how many of these kids target more vulnerable kids than THEY are, simply to be in control of something…
Kids (and their parents) can do extreme damage to others by inadvertently sending inappropriate messages & photos to the wrong person (say, a school administrator or someone’s parent). That adult could end up in serious trouble for having child porn in their possession, regardless of the fact that they did not solicit it, and they are not distributing it to others. SIMPLY BY HAVING IT on their phone or computer, they are TOAST. (So if you find something on your kid’s phone, please do NOT send it to their teacher or principal. It’s far better to take it to the police FIRST.)
Everyone who said you need to be brutally honest with your kids, I think you are absolutely right. You need to be prepared to ask and answer very difficult questions so that your kids will avoid those traps as much as possible. (And does your kid “really” need a phone with a camera? Even if the purchase price IS cheaper? Also, look into plans where you can automatically get copies of your kid’s texts…I’ve heard it’s very difficult, if not impossible, to get them in the event of some catastrophe like those described above.)
.-= SuzyQ´s last blog ..Friendship =-.
UGH! I’m getting sick and need to have a talk right now with my teen. Thanks!!!So Much
There are so many dangers out there for kids and it’s a scary time to parent. We definitely need to be on top of our game and aware of what is going on out there in society with kids and what they are facing.
Technology really adds a whole new side to the dangers that kids face that we never did so we often don’t even think about it. Unfortunately the predators never stop thinking about these things.
Thanks for sharing this information.
.-= Stacy´s last blog ..Kick That Complaining Habit to the Curb =-.
Seriously?!? I hadn’t thought of it, but then again, I don’t think like that.
One thing I hope I’ve done well is not allow my children’s real names or images on the web. They are aware of that, and super-sensitive to these bits of private information being made public. I am hoping that this sensibility is ingrained in them for the day when I am not there to protect their names/images.
Thanks for the warning.
.-= Lori Lavender Luz´s last blog ..Vloggedy vlog =-.
Oh this stuff just makes me sick. I really hope I’ll be able to help my daughter navigate technology without getting hurt by it but I also don’t want her to have to lose the innocence of childhood in order to protect her from this stuff. I really wish someone would Dextor sexual predators.
Gotta agree about the importance of repetition. The teenage brain is still developing and unfortunately it has the tendency to forget easily. Apparently it gets better in the 20′s:) In the meantime I just keep talking and ignore the Moooooooom’s and the eye rolling. Thanks for the great info!
.-= ZippyChix4´s last blog ..Chair Court =-.
Plain and simple its SCARY! My boys are young so I can’t even imagine what it will be like when they are older. I am scared and I know I will be over paranoid and protective of them. In some ways, I am glad I dont have a girl because I dont know if I could handle that!