It is a rite of childhood to get a phone when graduating grade school? When did this happen?
My daughter “graduated” grade school in June. Yup, grade school no more. Here she comes middle school. I remember the excitement of starting middle school. The biggest thing was that we would be changing classes. Many different teachers, lockers, big time now. Well, that is not enough now.
On the last day of grade school my daughter started getting the calls. Everyone and their brother was calling to spread their news about their new cell phone. Apparently a cell phone is par for the course when finishing grade school. A graduation present.
Not in this house.
I was sure to let my daughter know. Even though she kept hinting and asking.
Do 11 year olds really need cell phones? Heck no! What would an 11 year old need a cell phone for?
Emergencies? There is a phone in the school for that. Although most kids would not even know that.
How did we handle emergencies when we were eleven? We went to the office. There is still an office in the school. With a phone too!
I will admit it is very convenient to be able to reach your kid whenever need be. I finally gave in to the phone in the middle of 7th grade with my son. It had nothing to do with him wanting one. He knew how I felt about that and did not even try. Where I caved was for convenience. Yes, caved. And am not proud of it. During that year he was spending a lot of time after school for sports and clubs. I wanted to be able to reach him in case I needed to. I struggle with both sides of this reasoning. What did my parents do when I stayed after school? I certainly didn’t have a mini phone attached to me. Why should he? But…on the flip side. Here we are with the technology we have today, why not take full advantage of it?
I still feel I caved. The phone did indeed change him. It changed his social life. He would say for the better. I would have to question that. My advice would be to hold off as long as you can before ‘caving’. I will with my daughter. No 5th grade graduation present other than a big hug, kiss, and congratulation of a job well done.
How old was your kid when they got their cell phone?
{ 26 comments }
When we consider the pros and cons, at that age they do not really need it. Let us preserve their childhood for some more time.
My daughter is 5 so we’re not fighting this battle yet. We have one girl in the neighborhood that got her phone at age 9. Another just got one for her 11th birthday. I have a real practical issue with it – lets say you get a free phone and take a 2 yr contract. Can a 10 year old take care of that phone? If they lose it or break it won’t you just replace it because it would be cheaper than breaking the contract? What does that teach them?
I just don’t see how even the most responsible 11 yr old could be counted on to take care of the thing. And NEED is a whole different discussion.
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Don’t have kids (of my own) yet, but I got mine when I was 18, which was. . .8 years ago. They weren’t huge then, but I was still an ‘adult’ when I got mine.
My future step-daughter, however? Her parents seemed to think that giving her a phone at 5 was a good idea. I was against it when my fiance told me about it, and he was like, “But then she can get in touch with me whenever.” She rarely calls outside of the nightly call, and I still think it’s stupid for a 1st grader to have her own phone.
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Good for you! I plan to hold out as long as possible, too – I think it’s ridiculous that elementary-aged kids have cell phones. They’re supposed to keep them in their backpacks, but it doesn’t always happen. Sometimes, the backpacks are ringing – loudly – and I just can’t help but roll my eyes. For pete’s sake – I was 38 when I got my “first” cell phone. I lived without it – I’m pretty sure the kids can, too!
My cousin, who teaches in an inner-city school, had to have the cell phone talk with her students. One kid said, “But Miz Smith, how you get hold of people when you were our age – smoke signals?”
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Obviously, my kids aren’t old enough yet, but i think that whenever we get one for kate, it will be a pay as you go type phone to keep her to only using it for real, true problems.
i saw the age you got a phone really change when i was in school.
i was very young when i got my first phone (12 or 13 i can’t remember) but there was a story behind it, my father had left his cell phone in a pair of pants that i then washed. he ran out and bought a new phone he couldn’t return. to our surprise the phone worked and with my allowance money my dad told me i could buy the phone from him. but i was also a bit more responsible than most people my age, who got phones when they were 16 or their licenses (in nj you don’t really get your license until your 17 or 18) but when i was 18, 2nd graders i worked with at our towns after school program had phones. it was crazy! then all of a sudden it was normal to have a phone at 8 or 9!
Cell phones didn’t become readily available until I was around a senior in high school. But in high school everyone had pagers…remember those?
I’m of the opinion that if a child can purchase and pay for the use of their cell phone then they are old enough / responsible enough for their own. It only costs about $10/month to add a phone to most plans which most kids could earn. It would take them a while to save up for a phone so it would be a great opportunity for them to learn good lessons about saving money and the value of nice things.
But to hand them one on a silver platter without any responsibility? No, I’m not for that at all unless there’s some extenuating circumstances that call for it as a necessity.
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My son has one as all of his friends had one and he just HAD to have it. He could care less about it. He never uses it and I am afraid if there was an emergency his battery would be dead.
Whatever floats your boat : )
Good for you. I always wonder what a kid needs with a phone. That’s just too much room for other things to come into play. If anything, for the sake of after school activities I would maybe consider getting one of those phones that can’t do anything but receive and make calls. No text or anything else.
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I didn’t get my cell phone until after my first semester of college (only 7 years ago) my brother and sister got them in High School (talk about pissing me off!). We got my Step Son a cell phone in 2nd or 3rd grade. While my husband and I both felt that normally that would be way to young, my husband shares 50/50 custody with his ex-wife, so when my SS was with his mother, she would never let my Hubby talk to SS or have him return our calls. So we would go days at a time without speaking to SS, even though we made sure she got to talk to SS every night when we had him. He only had one of those Migo phones that has 9-1-1 and 4 other pre programmed numbers, so it isn’t like he could just call whoever or text. We also had the GPS tracking on it, because we could see when his mother had him out at 1 a.m. in places a child should never go. Now he is 11, just started middle school, and we upgraded the phone to one that allows texting. But he also knows he isn’t allowed to give his number out to people without checking with a parent first.
Grade school kids with phones… who would’ve thunk it?
When I was a teenager, not only did I have bedroom ill equiped withOUT a TV and a landline phone, but I also had to rent my parent’s car, buy insurance, and pay for my own gasoline if I wanted to drive after I obtained my license. We didn’t even have a cordless phone I could sneak into my room for those long delicious teenaged phone marathons! I got a job and was able to use the car and pay my portion. I also paid for my own home phone line (and answering machine!) in my bedroom – but this was as a result of getting permission on my 17th birthday to do so. I bought a pager when I got out of high school, a TV for my own room when I was 19, and a cell phone when I was 24. (I’m 38 now, so I wasn’t ahead of the technology curve at all.)
My kids will not get a TV or phone line in their rooms any time soon (I have 4 kids between 2-4 yrs old now). I will probably give in when they reach high school, providing they are responsible about it.
But a cell phone? These days, especially if they are doing things after school, such as sports, etc., I definitely need my kids to have a cell phone to reach me in emergencies. I will probably have a few “group” phones that the kids can grab if they go somewhere. It will be used to call mom or dad and to communicate with us, not to chat with friends or spend the day texting. The technology is there… use it! But at what age is appropriate? 10? 13? 16? Well, we might be different than you. One of my daughters has severe anaphylactic-reactions to food allergies and asthma. I don’t want to find out at the end of the day that she had to use her Epi-pen due to a bee sting – I want to know NOW! At what age? I don’t know. Grappling with that one. If my asthmatic dauther has to carry her epi-pen and inhaler with her everywhere anyway, what’s the problem with adding a phone to it? I will most likely send her to kindergarten next year with a phone – maybe one of those phones with 3 programmable numbers (mom, dad, 911). It might save her life one day.
Wow… I NEVER thought I’d even consider giving a phone it a 5 year old.
I’m in the same boat. Middle School starts at 7th grade here, so my son is 12, but still, I don’t think he NEEDS a cell phone and I certainly don’t NEED the extra expense of one, but I’m sure I will cave at some point during Middle School. My biggest fear was that he would be the only kid on the school bus who wasn’t frantically texting each other the whole way to and from school, but happily, he seems to have made a bunch of new friends and seems to be doing just fine on the bus. So for now, no phone!
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My son is only two, but I don’t think they need it as an accessory. If you need to give them one for emergencies that make a lot of sense.
This made me laugh. We’ve joked about getting our son (he’s 4!) a cell phone of his own, so he’ll stop using ours TO PLAY GAMES…HAHAHA.
Yup, my son starts pre-school this month and is constantly asking for our iphones so he can play games. It’s great for a break when we need him to chill out for a bit while we’re out running errands and such. Another thing is that we can use the “Find Your Phone” option to track him down if he gets lost. We see little kids all the time playing games on their parents phones here. So far we haven’t caved yet, but I’m sure he’ll have a phone well before he graduates* from elementary school.
*Did you “graduate” from elementary school? I DIDN’T! Ya just went from one school to another.
Have a great Holiday weekend.
Cheers!
J.
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Our children are too young yet but my husband and I have talked about the cell phone issue. On one hand, would be nice to have once they get older and are on their own at sports practice and such like your son. I like the idea of getting one that is pay as you go like Liz suggested b/c I would definitely only get it out of our child’s necessity to reach us in an emergency.
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I hate to use a cliche phrase, but times have REALLY changed. These situations cannot be compared to when we were younger. At the rate technology advances my 19 month old will be carrying a phone to kindergarten with her.
I don’t necessarily agree. Before my daughter was born, I’d thought of a cell phone as *MAYBE* a grade school graduation present. But now, with all the social media out there, and ways to connect with friends, kids without cell phones don’t participate in the quality or quantity of activities as kids with cell phones. I’ve already witnessed this with a friend’s 10 and 9 year olds.
My daughter will have a phone with all the watch dog capabilities I can find once she understands how to use one. Witnessing her play around with mine makes me think that it will be far sooner than I’d like.
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I’m confused. You are adamant that your daughter not get a phone at 11 but your son got one at 12 because it was convenient for YOU. I guess your daughter should just join a bunch of clubs or after school activities and then she’ll be able to have one.
I’m not saying that I agree with children having them but if you’re going to debate that children shouldn’t have them then don’t be hypocritical about it. It weakens your stance.
stopping by from SITS – my tween has use of a cellphone but not one of her own… she’s in 7th grade and if I know that there’s a reason to send one with her, I do – usually my husband’s (since he hates it anyway and keeps it turned off in his bag unless there’s an emergency) – the situation hasn’t presented itself for more than that…
.-= Heather ~ Acting Balanced Mom´s last blog ..The emotional years living with my tweenager =-.
My kids are 13 and 10. They don’t have cell phones and I have no plans to get them one anytime soon. If they need to get up with me (or me with them) while they’re at school, they can use the school phone. When they’re not at school, they’re with me or my mom. No need for a cell phone. Besides, it’s too expensive.
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We absolutely held out on cell phones. They did not need one for fun. We didn’t give in until when our middle daughter was in 6th grade and had stayed after for orchestra practice. Her school was not nearby but about 45 minutes away. The activity bus left the school a 5 and at 9 P.M. I had no child. The school and the school bus company were closed. We ended up calling the police. It’s a long story and it turned out alright but we ordered phones the next day. I also was given the personal cell # of the manager of the bus company. Apparently someone there was supposed to be on duty!
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Oh, man, there you go again, hitting on one of my pet peeves! I can’t believe you feel the same way I do about cell phones – I thought I was the only sane one left on the planet.
It’s not just elementary school graduates – my 12-year old (who does NOT have a phone!) tells me that even the little kids on his bus (he goes to a K-8 school) have their own phones. He says he is the ONLY 7th grader without one…which just might be true.
Our older son got a cell phone for his 15th birthday. I’m sure he was the last 15 year old in the nation to get one! He really didn’t want or need one before then. Our youngest is a different story – he’s been begging for one for years now. I know that most of his friends have them. When his iPod broke last year, we helped him get a used iPod Touch (he paid half). It’s his most valued possession, not only for music (which he loves) and internet but also because he learned he could download a texting app for free – so even without a phone, he is able to text his friends. It has satisfied him for now, but we will probably get him a phone this winter for his 13th birthday. As you said, he is starting to be old enough to be on his own at times – after school, wandering a church fair with his friends, getting dropped off at the park for an hour – so it seems more reasonable now.
Sue
I’m with you, Sue! I doubt your 15-yr-old was the last, but he probably felt like it.
Both of your sons will probably take better care of their phones because they did have to wait so long–they’ve learned to be more responsible for their things.
.-= SuzyQ´s last blog ..1st Week Down- 103 To Go =-.
I say, hold off as long as possible. If your child has activities that TRULY have indefinite end times, then send a phone with them, since there’s no guarantee you’ll find a pay phone. I think cell phones for our kids have become not only status symbols among the kids (most tweens and teens have nicer phones than I do!), but also indicate the hysteria parents have over “what if” scenarios that simply aren’t realistic.
I have a 7th grader & a 5th grader. Lots of my 7th grader’s peers have phones; he, however, says “I’d only lose it.” My perspective: he rides the bus to and from school…he doesn’t need to call when he’s ready for a ride. His on-campus after-school activities end when my work day ends–I know exactly when he needs to be picked up. His friends live within 2 miles of our house, and they have phones in their homes. WHY does he need a phone, except for the status of having one?
5th grade daughter, on the other hand, is becoming a pain in the rear about this issue. To be sure, a few of her peers have phones. However, the policy in her school is that, unless your parents have obtained written permission from the principal, a student is NOT to have a cell phone in school. If it is seen by a staff member, it is up to their discretion to either (a) tell the student to put it away, or (b) confiscate it and have a chat with the parents. (I work in the building with a special needs group, and after giving kids a chance or two at putting their phone away, I opt to confiscate and give phones to the principal, since my position does not allow for parent-to-parent communication.) The worst of the debate has come since one of my daughter’s best buds has gotten a phone…the outcome of two parents trying to prove which is the more caring (translation: cooler) parent.
We have a spare cell line (part of the family plan we’re on), and that phone is available for either child to use should we feel they need it. If they’re riding their bikes to the 7-11, we send the phone along. If they’re going to the park, they can take it. If our son is riding to his friend’s house, he calls from their home phone when he gets there…not because we want to verify his presence there, but because he doesn’t need a phone except to let us know he’s there.
Seeing this issue from a school district employee’s perspective, kids are losing the ability to carry on a meaningful, face-to-face conversation at a very young age. They are texting in class to others who should ALSO be paying attention to the lecture and discussion…they are using their phones to cyber-bully…they are carrying an item that, in some schools, could get them seriously injured should someone else decide they want it…if a phone is lost or broken, it’s going to cost their parents a lot of money to (a) replace it and (b) pay whatever charges a thief–or finder–runs up…they’re risking carpal tunnel at a young age because they are limiting their range of movement…they are having more eye and neck strain because they are working at close range with an electronic device and are hunched over them…parents are using them to hover over their children rather than letting their children grow wings and become independent. (Look for articles on how many college students are in touch with their parents several times a day via phone, text, and e-mail–and think back to your days in college, and you’ll see what I mean.)
.-= SuzyQ´s last blog ..1st Week Down- 103 To Go =-.
My son got his first cell phone when he was in 7th grade, however there were boundaries. The first phone was pre-paid and the only reason he got it is because I am a single mom who works full time. He would walk to and from school, so I wanted to be sure if there was a time he needed to get a hold of me then he had it.
Its funny tonight we just went out to dinner a family was seated next to us. It really amazed me the young child who could not be any older than 5 pushed the crayons and paper out of the way and immediately grabbed his dads cell phone to play games.
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I feel like most of you are against the idea of cell phones or at the very least have a negative feeling towards them. I am curious why you feel that way. I thoroughly enjoy my boys having cell phones. I was delighted to give them one. I never felt as if I was “giving in” or was somehow weak for giving them a phone. It has certainly made my life easier and makes me happy to know that I can get in touch with them any time I need or want to. We have specific rules in place and they adhere to them. It has been a positive experience in our house.
.-= stefanie´s last blog ..cell phones- the when- the what- the texting =-.
I think it gets a bit ridiculous at times. my son is in 4th grade…so these kids are around 9, mostly 10. After Christmas vacation, the kids came back and compared notes; “What did you get for Christmas?” and showed off all kinds of goodies, like cell phone, iphones (!!!) and even ipads (!!!!!!WHY would a parent allow a kid to take an expensive thing like that to school???!) The kids asked my son “what did you get?” and he said “I got toys and Legos.” and they Made FUN of him! Fortunately my son just shrugged and said “what do I need a phone for?”
he doesn’t.
Glad that he still wants “Toys and Legos”, even if that time is drawing to a close…