We hear all over about how we ‘Americans’ need to do something about our kids and how they are lacking behind the rest of the world – Asia in particular. We are told that Asians have all the smarts that we need to have – the stereotype. Each year when I attend the beginning of the school year talk, the principal explains how the requirements have gone up and how we must work to keep each child ahead of the game. Sometimes I think in five years kids will be expected to read out of the womb.
Amy Chua’s book, Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother takes this just a bit further. If you haven’t heard the hype about this yet, the comments are flying wild all over about the rights and wrongs of her theory. Amy explains in her essay in The Wall Street Journal, Why Chinese moms are superior. She says many people wonder why they raise such superior kids.
Amy explains how her daughters were never allowed to do things like attend a sleepover, have play dates, be in school plays, watch TV or play computer games, choose their own activities, get any grade less than an A, and not be the number one student in every subject
She goes on to say, “Chinese mothers can say to their daughters, “Hey fatty—lose some weight.” By contrast, Western parents have to tiptoe around the issue, talking in terms of “health” and never ever mentioning the f-word, and their kids still end up in therapy for eating disorders and negative self-image.”
She explains “Western Moms” as wishy-washy, insecure, and caught up too much in their’s child self esteem.
Can we say – EXTREME? Okay, so in a teeny weeny way I can get what she is saying – with a HUGE grain of salt. I will agree that over the years parents have become just a little too ‘soft’. So many kids basically rule their parents. Now, I don’t know if I can say that is just “Western Moms”. I actually know quite a few very strict moms who live not too far from me – AKA Western Moms.
We need rules, but we need to be parents too. Not authoritarians – our kids need more than that.
What good is a straight A genius that has no empathy?
What do you think? Are “Chinese Moms” superior to “Western Moms”? – I am shaking my head in disbelieve as I write that.
I sometimes think people just like to get others going – so if nothing else, it is pure entertainment.
{ 8 comments }
This makes me almost angry. A high percentage of the Chinese population works for pennies a day making crap that we sell in the Dollar Store. Lets tiptoe around that for a while.
.-= Joey @ Big Teeth & Clouds´s last blog ..Leia the latchkey dog =-.
I was thinking about this, well kind of this, before this article ever came out. Now that my daughter is in school all I hear about is how far behind we are in education, but I see the work she brings home and I know how much more advanced it was than when I started school. Kids in elementary are doing work we did in junior high. It is crazy. It makes me wonder if the race to be the smartest is worth the sacrifice it takes to get there, our kids’ childhoods. Seeing as how we may aren’t the “most educated” country, but are still holding our own I would have to say no. It isn’t worth it.
.-= Jennifer´s last blog ..Best laid plans =-.
I second everything Joey and Jennifer said.
Everything in moderation!
.-= gigi´s last blog ..My iPhone Fund =-.
In today’s society everything is about competition and less about accepting individuals as they truly are. Children should be allowed to have a childhood, to play, to screw up, to get messy, and learn. When we put all of this pressure and expectations on our children we are really telling them to act like adults. I want my children to have a great education and be the best that they can be but not without experiencing a childhood. I want my children to look back on their younger days with fond memories instead of remembering how disappointed mom or dad was because they didn’t get straight A’s (because they weren’t good enough).
.-= Ashley K.´s last blog ..Inside My Closet =-.
Entertainment for sure. I think you are right, taking it with a HUGE grain of salt. Yes, kids need boundaries, expectations. They also need respect and empathy. Success is not only measured by being number one. It is also measured by being a good person, in my book anyway
So great to see you back Dalia!
.-= Melissa (Confessions of a Dr.Mom)´s last blog ..The Language of Women =-.
Oooooh – good topic. I agree with Melissa, and yes, it’s a bit extreme. If I had to catagorize, I’m absolutely a “Western” Mom – in part because my mother was more of a “Chinese” Mom…
.-= parentingadabsurdum´s last blog ..How Kids Totally Blow Your Cover =-.
Working in a school, it is easy to see the kids from other cultures working harder and doing better than the majority of our kids. But, some of our kids are right up there with them. The problem is that a huge chunk of our kids are lazy and rude. Therein lies the problem!
.-= debbie´s last blog ..Why Those Keep Calm Signs Enrage Me =-.
First of all, nice to see you back.
Thanks for highlighting this article. In some ways, American kids really are behind in their education… and in other ways American kids are soaring ahead. I suppose it all depends how you define success, doesn’t it?
We can have vastly different value systems.
One thing that is important to understand about her worldview is that the one child policy in China means that parents have one chance at having a “successful” child. And, not only that, but Chinese children are expected to take care of their parents (support them, finance them, etc.) when they become elderly. So… parents have a VERY vested interest in making sure that their child grows up and becomes successful (read: earns a lot of money). It’s their investment into their insurance policy.
In saying that, I’m sure parents also want what’s best for their kids and it’s not all selfishly motivated… BUT it’s hard to discount that very real motivation (needing the future financial security of being looked after) from really having a massive impact on how their values are shaped… and therefore, children pushed.
I’m sure she does have some good points along with her perspective (I’ve not read the book) but you’d have to keep in mind these very key aspects of Chinese culture when filtering her beliefs/opinions.